Thoughts & Thoughts & Thoughts....thoughts...

Honestly, Tavi Gevinson amazes me.

I remember when I was 13...terrified of my own reflection, let alone any thought I came up with without any particular back up from a particular source.

Her bravery, as a 13 year old, is something my 23 year old self admires.
Wisdom occasionally comes in packages, without copious heartbreak and without years of misery.
Sometimes wisdom has nothing to do with bitterness.
Sometimes it has everything to do with the bravery learning.

In this age of precociousness and hopefulness, I fully appreciate a girl who is able to be honest amongst a throng of "peers..."

who couldn't see beyond their own reflection.
Who loved something and, according to some vial of online information, had to have her parents fully informed in order to fully appear in a magazine article.

I admit I haven't done my research, and I try to cover my ass with pleas of rent and phone bills and health care, all of which fall on shoulders that shouldn't, and although I digress, I can't help myself because ultimately this is my brain stem and I am growing tired of filtering my own thought process.

No one reads this anyway.

I remember a time when I had it in my brain to organize a beach trip between myself and the two closest people to me at the time, my two best friends in the whole world. We went to the beach, the New Jersey Shore, and my mother had to bring my 7-years-younger little sister along for the ride. The trip as a whole faded somewhere into the mistier corners of my brain...

but one morning....

none of us could live with going home to the mundane existence of Yardley, PA without a true, real experience.

So one morning, the three of us and some chaperon....
I honestly can't remember which of the 3 mothers it was...
came with us to the surf of the great Ocean at Sunrise.

We laughed hysterically and made morbid jokes and kicked at the rushing surf while the infinity of youth remained untouched.
The sand melted underneath, and the laughter lived on, and even the perpetual reminder couldn't kill us then.
Life went on forever
...and the sun rose...
and I swear to a god I don't quite believe that I will remember that 'vacation' for the rest of my life...
because it included people who aren't with us,
and it included a portion of myself who no longer exists.

It took something beautiful to remain as a memory in order for my own living perspective to continue on.
The more years you accrue, the more pain it takes to keep the message.


Regardless...
I digress...
I digress...